Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
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You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
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I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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