I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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