omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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