Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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