And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
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Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
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He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
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