the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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