That's when you crack a 10am beer
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
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Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
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To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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