You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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