Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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