I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
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I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
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I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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