Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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