Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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