Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
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Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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