Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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