I wanna passion pit in your ass
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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