Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
