We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
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a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
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And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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