i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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