Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
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P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
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How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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