everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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