I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize