my vag is so smooth its legendary
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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