How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize