My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Watching her eat just hurts me
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
how drunk are you?
Several
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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