I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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