I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You ruined the universe
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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