so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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