I murdered the dance floor call the cops
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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