I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
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My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
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Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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