This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize