i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
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He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
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I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize