I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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