Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
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I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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