I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
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She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
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Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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