..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
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No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
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We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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