i always forget guys have bellybuttons
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize