"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize