nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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