he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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