yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
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side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
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My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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