Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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