Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize