you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
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idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
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I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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