I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
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Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
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She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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