My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I AM VODKA MAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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