I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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