Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize