Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
that may or may not have been my penis.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize