All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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