great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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