does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
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I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
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How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
not ubering you a puppy
is it fun? or sober?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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